Persistance.

Today I got an e-mail from my therapist asking if I was ok and checking in on me....so I grudgingly called and made an appointment for next week. No wonder this guy is always booked, he won't leave you alone. Not that I hate the guy, I actually really enjoy going to him. I just have been in this mindset of not wanting to talk about my life and emotions to a dude.

I had a revelation about weight loss today. Want to hear it? Too bad you're gonna anyways...

I have always been so consumed with weight, calories, appearance, etc. for as long as I can remember. Back when I was a naive adolescent my mother would always say things to me like "lookin' a little chubby." or "you should lose weight." and "don't you think if you lost weight you could run faster?"

Thus promoting the idea in my head that fat = no love while thinness = love. Now that I am older I understand that idea, but you know what? I don't care. I enjoy watching my weight. I love the challenge and competition to be thin. And yes, I love seeing the stupid girls from grade school (who made my teenage years hell) become fat while I weigh less than I did back then. It is vindication for my rough, awful years as a teenager. 

So in a nutshell: I understand why I am the way I am, but I love it anyways.

one day.......